horusanarchy

its funny how easily i can mend my own wounds. especially a broken heart, it breaks i get rid of it. i dont have time to worry about what could have been. what i did wrong. why i couldnt save te one thing i cherished most. but honestly when you know its coming. it makes it all the more easy, ya it hurt like hell at first, i spent a couple days trying to figure out what i could do to fix it.. but.. why.. why try to fix something that shouldnt have broken in the first place. it practically futile and will never work the same again. i will love her as long as my heart beats in my chest, but thats all the more reason not to run after her. ii cant be who she needs or what she wants which means i dont make her happy enough. and thats all i ever want for her is her happiness. my place is somewhere else. and hers is not by side.

Everyone made my duces bash fuckin awesome. im glad everyone got along well :-p i love everyone and ur all teh fuckin greatest, great fire, great booze :-p, great friends just a greaaattt fuckin timeeee. theeenn we had some crazy shit happen. dont really know specifics cuz well.. i wwasss fading in and out.. apparently saying and doing some crrrzzzy shiiitt. sorry guys 0.o..

So. the final countdown is arriving shortly. my last week of life as a civi, thanks to everyone whos kept my head up and really helped me through the stress of leaving. You guys are all wonderful :) The excitement i feel is so bittersweet though, to get to know so many wonderful people just so i can disappear for so long. I'll be back though. With that said. I think i should leave you all with another rant :-p.

As i was walking through the grocery store in my Civies yesterday (for anyone confused it means my street clothes lol) i kept close tabs on anyone walking around me as i usually do. (yes im weird i watch everyone closely) anywho, i started thinking about how annoying people are... how hypocritical they are. Old men and old ladies glaring at me because of the pinup girl on my shirt (i was wearing my social d shirt) Moms slightly moving their children behind them because they see the tattoos on my forearms. Even as i went to check out, the cashier gave me a glare as i asked him for a pack of smokes, like i was wasting his fucking time. UNTILL he asks me for my id, (and of course since i have no clue in satans balls where my drivers lisence is i pull out my military id) and suddenly he smiles at me. It fucking AMAZES ME how one second im a punk fucking kid, and the next i have respect. i have been in this same fucking grocery store in uniform (as i was coming home from training we stopped off and my uniform was covered in mudd and dirt and grass stains) and the whole fucking atmosphere of ho people veiwed me was completely different. people smile or thank me or shake my hand..its like the train of thought for these fucking people, is im a waste of their fucking air and time. but suddenly because im one of those wastes of time, who decide to join the military so their fucking kids or grandkids dont have to, i get their respect. HERES AN IDEA. RESPECT THE FUCKING BOY BEFORE THE UNIFORM and yes i said boy. because in my eyes i am nowhere near a fuckin man (this is an explanation i shall have to do in another rant.) So many have fought and fucking died, so we can be who we are, who we fucking wanna be. And these sons of bitches gonna give me a funny look because i exercise that right? My brother, who is the most peacefully little hippy fucker on earth, the sweetest dude that i would love for most of you to meet (think polar opposite of me) has such a hard time grasping why little old ladies freak out when he holds the door for them, or when he smiles and says hello to little children who stare at him in the checkout lane why their mothers tell them not to talk to him. and its all because of his fucking appearance (he has dreads down to his ass and piercings on his face) It pisses me off to no fucking end that so many see our generation as fucked up and wasted youth.. when the generation before them said the same of them.. but then again.. the generations before us did ruin our economy.. so.. hmm.. anyway. Fuck i was hangin with a buddy of mine last night. me him and his room mate decided to go to the fuckin gas station, his roomate is a pagan and also a ICP fan has tats all over his arms, and a few people were glaring at him in the fucking gas station. This person is an Iraqi war veteran, he served in the marines and went to iraq and got fuckin pts. and these sons of bitches are gonna fucking glare at him for the way he fuckin looks? These people are what soldiers fight and die for. Like those cumguzzling thunder cunts who fuckin protested at soldiers funerals. ya, its their right as americans to do so, but have a little fucking respect for the soldier who went to war for you, whether or not you agree with the fucking situation, with the fucking war, with anything the government does, whether or not you believe the government is sending troops to foreign soil to fight and possibly die for a righteous cause fucking know this. any soldier who takes that oath, and man woman or child who raises their right fucking hand and swears to their god or gods, or just swears on their honor to defend our country. THEY BELIEVE. THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE LOOKING OUT FOR YOU'RE BEST INTERESTS. THEY DO WHAT THEY FUCKING DO, SO YOU DONT HAVE TO. SO YOU'RE KIDS WONT HAVE TO.

so all in all the picnic and bonfire waass amazing. i had an awesome time running around the park half naked :-p met a bunch of new people and got to put the fear of Horus into some douche who was touchin on some of the girls. o.. and of course apples to apples. Got to spend some time with some good friends and got to know some new ones. The drama LLama reared its big ugly head but that didnt stop us from having a kick ass time

then peoples came over to mi casa for a nice lil bonfire. in which i was coerced into doing some things i havent done in quite awhile :-p but it was all amazing much thanks to Erin,Yuki, Kat, Justy, J-la, Nero, Kali, Tat, Sabi, Liz, Sean, Steven, and Steve ya'll are friggin awesome :) by the way any of you who read this who have not been invited to my going away party are invited :) message me for my number or ask erin as far as the date and time

.....

As the day draws near. the last day of this life and the first day of the next. All the feelings i had been feeling are fading. no longer am i afraid. now im just determined. fear has never helped me before wtf is it gonna do now? i no longer fear the loss of people i care for. because now i KNOW who will still be there when i return. All have made very clear which side of the line they stand on. As the last grains of sand finally begin to settle in the storm. The few who i can call freinds stand clearly in front of me, while others have been swept away into the abyss. I no longer care, about much of anything. i care for two things those i love and accomplishing this dream. All else has faded. Like the flash of lightning in the cloudy night sky, my worries burned bright then disappeared. Oddly the calming came from a song, well a verse of a song. "i remember black skies the lightning all around me.. i remember each flash as time began to blur.. like a startling sign that fate had finally found me" My fate has found me, what it holds for me i do not know nor will i worry. I leave my fate to the gods to twist and bend as is their will. I am turning back to the old me. The one who trusted himself to nothing and everything. The one who cared for few and condemned the rest. The one who embraced his primal side. for in life. the primal side is truly all that matters. in my life at least. for my primal side knows only love and survival.


Awaiting The Day We Will Reign In Hell
The Day We Spread Our Blackened Wings
And Show Our True Face
The Moment We Can Rid Ourselves Of The Disease
The Disease Called The Human Race
Away From Gods Grace We Dwell
Forsake Our Humanity We Must
To Love Is Our Only Virtue
The One We Love Is Mankinds Only Saving Grace
Hide In The Shadows
To Live Is To Be Free
To Die Fighting Is To Die Well
Take What You Can
Kill If You Must
Above All
Survive

this saying pretty much tells you anything you wanna know about me.

so this rant was inspired by a convo i had with my brother about retirement and the age going up and stuff

ok first of all. am i the only one who has noticed this cycle thats going on.. usually, people have one of three typews of lives growing up. They either grow up with their parents having alot of money in which they usually have everything they want. these kids either grow up and inherit assloads of money and continue their ignorant lives having everything and so on and so forth. Or they fuck up and end up being poor adults who struggle through life, in which case their children grow up with option two, in poor fucked up homes where having food on the table is the greatest luxory in the world, now these children usually grow up to become rich adults who earned every cent and know what the meaning of the dollar is. and then the cycle continues.

now this isnt always the case. some people grow up in middle class homes where they dont struggle but they dont have every luxory in the world these i have noticced are the wildcard, they can grow up to be any of the three.

that being said i dont care who you are, somehow some way life will always step in the way and shove its big steel toed boot up your ass. all of us have run into some obstacle in our life, all of us have had to deal with some sort of problem or dissappointment, and if you havent tell me now so i can shove MY big steel toed boot in your ass, because without disappointment how do we truly feel happiness?

Another thing me and Mike (my brother) talked about is the retirement age. now, yes it has gone up, but then again so has our life expectancy. the reason it has to go up (in my opinion mind you) is because this is how we have our current problem. people living longer means people taking more money out of the social security pool and the longer you live the more you take. say 20 years ago the retirement age was 50.(i have no idea if this is correct but just for the sake of this rant go along with it, it'll make sense no matter what the numbers) but the average life expectancy was like what 60?? (again shut up i know its prob wrong) so you have ten years on social security/pension after retirement. say RIGHT NOW the retirement age stayed at 50. well now our life expectancy is like.. lets say 85. thats 25 more years that the govt or that company has to pay you. so, my point is we have the same length of time to enjoy it if they raise the age.

BUT if you have any intelligence in you at all. all you have to do is save your damn money. dont spend more than you can afford. say you RIGHT NOW (being as most of the people reading this are from 18-21 age range) begin putting 100 a month into a bank account without it earning interest and lets say your 20 years old. by the time your 50 you'll have 36,000 saved up. lets say you go to college for 6 years and come out with a good enough job to put 400 a month away you'll have 122,400 saved up and this is WITHOUT any interest at all even with 2% interest on the account that ammount will grow exponentially. i mean if you do this shit right.. you WILL be able to retire way before the retirement age and by the time you reach the right age to get social security.. it'll just be exra money for you to live on.


the reason our economy is shit. IS NOT the presidents fault and it wont be obama who fixes it. it wont be ANYONE but the american people. if our generation does shit right instead of getting ourselves in over our head in debt.. our country will return to its former glory. right before our kids fuck it all up again lol.

i... donno what to say sometimes. the world is so confusing. life is so confusing. how is it possible to figure anything out? how do we know if we are fucking up? hurting others, hurting ourselves.. you cant always count on people to tell you the truth. not just because they want to lie to you but because.. well because they wish to protect you from the truth. but how are we supposed to better ourselves if the truth keeps changing and we dont know about it? How do we balance what we want and what they want? compromise.. is never easy i dont care who you are or what the task. its just not. so how then do you fix these things.. how do we not allow them to tear the bonds we strive to keep? i dont care who you are. you have at least 2 selves. we have ourselves and we have the person those around us see. many people have more than that. many people have 3, 4, hell maybe even 100 different selves. different people see different sides of you. its just a plain fact. but, what if the side they see isnt the side they want? what if the side they see changes? will they like it better or hate it because its not the same. meh there really is no intelligent process to this, just questions with no answers. impossible answers. but oh how simple life would be if one could have all the answers...

I.. am just fucking sick of this shit. time after fucking time.. people hurting the people that i care about. Godz save these fucking people next time i hear about it. I have a very VERY large amount of patience for people. But my fucking fuse is at its end. i really dont give a fuck what comes from it, one more time one more FUCKING time and im taking care of this shit. At first i dealt with it because, hell. i liked the stupid fuck. and its hard for me to bring myself to the point of beating the piss out of him partially cuz.. well.. i could murder him by flicking him. but im done. i dont care what the consequences are. this fucking piece of shit tests my patience again and he will wish he was in hell when im done with him. i told myself when i moved back that i wouldnt let myself become what i had been, but people.. just cant let me be nice, they always have to come along and do something that makes me wanna turn back into the fuckin demon

So. apparently N Korea is starting shit again.  After the US decided to start searching their shits for weapons that the UN has sanctioned them against having they have issued threats against S Korea and the US saying this is an act of war if it is continued. GREAT it looks like the world is heading down the slippery slop towards WW3.. its about that time to start kissing our asses goodbye folks.. Dont get me wrong im completely confident in our nations military force otherwise i wouldnt have joined. but.. seriously NOONE is nuke proof and thats the road we are headed down. These fuckin assholes, i mean its one thing for one country to say he you, stop that. But when a coalition composed of most of the worlds governments that should be a sure fire sign that you ned to shut the fuck up and stop what your doing. Nukes should never have been invented EVER. These world killers have been nothing but trouble since the beggining. and yes i know its all about having the biggest cock so no one wants to fuck with you. but seriously? all nuclear weapons should be destroyed. for the simple fact of WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT? ok ya you have this giant arsenal of nukes. so what? i mean you fire a single one guess what happens EVERYONE fires theirs. and then POOF everything any of us have ever cared for in the world is gone. anyway back to my point. N Korea is pretty much about to royally fuck the world into a giant war, guarenfuckinteed.

Taliban, THESE SCUM SUCKING FUCKTARDS have begun focusing more and more of their attacks on schools and teachers.. i mean seiously how pathetic can you fucking get? scores of children and teachers are fleeing to safe zones and the schools are becoming insanely overpopulated.. honestly i think we should set up something to help these poor kids out.. everyone deseveres the right to be educated, i mean yes it should be their choice but if someone wants to learn they should be able to learn. i wanna figure out a way to raise money to send to these schools and shit.